How do i start my story so far...
from the beginning but not where you would think, not from birth or from the start of school but from year 9 i was 13 or 14, it was the end of the school day and i was still considered the new and odd girl who kept to herself in the back of the class. As the lesson came to the end everyone had packed all there stuff and started to get out of control but the supply teacher that we had, had given up trying to control the class. At the back a few of the boys decided that it was a good idea to pick the solid wooden stools up and shove it at each other (like knights jousting) however as the bell went i was caught by the stool and had it shoved into my ribs causing me to fall back, i tried to turn but it all happened so fast that i ended up falling back on to the solid oak work table i must have hit my head because the next thing i remember is looking up at the ceiling tiles. when i had gotten up i went home as if nothing had ever happened because i didn't think anything of it but about a week later i noticed i was having trouble with movement and pain but i still didn't think anything of it however i did go to the doctor and they gave me medication.
That happened for about a year- the medication wouldn't really work or it would stop working and i'd have to go back and they would then try something different. it was only after a year that a doctor booked me in for an x-ray only thing was that it had been a year so nothing showed up.
more medication and blood tests and still nothing the theories of different doctors kept getting told to me but i just wanted the pain to go away, i wanted to be normal again. i started to get depressed and ended up in concealing.
when my GCSE's started it was hard i had to juggle my pain and make if look like i was fine on the outside but i was crying and crumbling on the inside in this time my grandma had also died she was someone who meant the world to me and when the second lot of cancer finally took her i was crushed everything felt 10x worse. i was struggling with anger and depression and my anxiety i felt like i was in a box that was getting smaller every moment crushing and squashing me only giving me enough room to breath every now and then. My art helped me in some ways, i had theses two little note books that i ended up filling with strange and dark drawings but that was my way of showing myself to myself showing that i'm still there if only through a pen but that wasn't true i was gone, my life my story had changed i had to be stronger i needed to hide i needed to get on.
Age 16 My A-Levels two years in total. in these two years i meet the most amazing bloke who i could tell everything to he didn't judge me he made me feel safe again. at the end of my GCSE's i had started to self-harm, not for attention but so as i could feel different pain i was sick of feeling one sort and wanted to have a break from it. He made me stop. in these two years i was still doing physio and still seeing the doctors for different medications, i stopped concealing and started CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Age 17 on my birthday i had an MRI nothing came of that so more meds and more trials. I had more bloods done like i have had for the past few years only this time it showed an iron deficiency so more iron was needed.
Off to uni age 18. The first year i was on my own in a small bedsit type thing. I had to go to a new doctor and start again with everything. The second and third year i was sharing a 2 bedroom ground floor flat. Over the three years my pain got worse and with everything adding on to it there was some problems and some things that i had to get around. Through my time i also had many different blood tests done my iron deficiency carried through and i ended up having a problem with my vitamin D so i had to take tablets for that. i had massive stomach issues that made me throw up constantly it got so bad that i wasn't able to take any medication so my pain was unbearable that i couldn't move with out crying in agony i made a doctors appointment he then booked me in for an endoscopy and gave me some anti sickness tablets to tie me over so i could have some type of relief. In my third year i had an MRI with that liquid stuff but nothing was shown through. i got a job a pizza hut to try and see if i could be 'normal' and to see how much i could cope with. the staff was amazing and the managers knew and understood what i was going through. I lasted 3 months. 2 whilst i was living in the same town and a month when i moved back home. However every shift i was on i was in agony sometimes on my break i would go into the bathroom and just cry but i struggled through until i couldn't anymore and i had to quit and was proven that i couldn't do it, it was another thing that my back will get in the way with.
After my three years i moved back home and back to my old doctors surgery still without a name or a helpful idea of what was happening. So i mad an appointment. At the appointment the doctor booked bloods and another appointment i got the bloods back and nothing but my normal bloods, borderline normal. The other day i had my second follow up appointment this time to doctor called in another doctor for his opinion we went through everything all my medical history (the appointment lasted an hour) he said that with everything it does sound like fibromyalgia with all of my other symptoms, so that is now the route that we are going to look down. I now have to re-book CBT to see if more can help.
And that is everything so far - i think...
