I don't know how to start i don't know how to feel. Everyone around me, my family and friends they don't understand what i'm going through what my body is doing how heavy and sore it is. I just want to crawl away from it away from the pain and the heartache. Every time i'm sat down or laying down to try and get some relief from the pain and from the tiredness i get called lazy but i'm not i'm fighting my body my mind if fighting its own battle and my body is fighting another.
As i get older, especially since ive come back home ive noticed something, i'm jealous. Jealous of everyone of them being able to walk around without feeling like there weighted down without feeling pain serge through there body with every movement and jealous that they can get any job they can apply for where as i have to have boundaries all because i'm unfit.
Isn't it sad when you finally realise that you don't remember what it feels like to not feel pain at every moment. when you have forgotten how to feel free instead of caged in your own flesh. i joke about it but i don't know how much more i can take.
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